In And Out
by badly-knitted
Summary: Outside Jack's office, Owen overhears something and really wishes he hadn't. A cracky little fic written for the prompt 'in and out' at fic promptly.


**Title:** In And Out

**Author:** badly-knitted

**Characters:** Owen, Jack, Ianto, Gwen, Tosh

**Rating:** PG-13

**Spoilers:** None

**Summary:** Owen overhears something and wishes he hadn't.

**Word Count:** 690

**Written For: **juliet316's prompt 'Author's choice, author's choice, in and out' at fic_promptly.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.

**A/N:** For MiladyDragon, who needs some cheering up.

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OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

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Just about to open Jack's office door, Owen froze in place as he heard Jack's plaintive voice.

"What am I doing wrong Ianto? You said to just push it in and pull it out again, and I'm doing that but nothing's happening, it's still limp."

"Have you got the end all the way in?" Ianto sounded out of breath.

"I don't know; it's hard to tell."

"Well, try pulling it out then putting it back in again. The rubber goes a bit wonky sometimes."

"Okay, done that." There was a strange sound and Jack sighed. "Still not working."

Owen could hear Ianto puffing and panting in the background.

"You're not doing it fast enough. Pull it out, then push it straight back in, and keep going."

The strange creaking sound started again, and it sounded like Jack was panting now too.

"Oh yeah, that's working, it's getting bigger!"

All the colour drained from Owen's face and he fled back to his workstation, grabbing up his jacket.

"Owen? What're you doing? I thought you wanted to go over those test results with Jack." Gwen sounded puzzled.

"Changed my mind, I'm gettin' outta here!"

"Why? What's wrong?" Tosh looked at him over the top of her glasses. "You've only been here a couple of hours, it's not even eleven o'clock yet!"

"I don't care. You didn't hear them! I don't know what they're doin' in there and I don't want to know, there's not enough brain bleach in the world! I need alcohol, a lot of alcohol. With a bit of luck I can get drunk enough to forget what I just heard." He shuddered dramatically. "It was disgusting! If you two've got any sense, you'll join me, leave that pair to their perversions. We don't get paid enough to subject ourselves to that!" He headed for the cog door, studiously avoiding even looking at Jack's office.

"What do you think that was about?" Tosh asked Gwen.

"I don't know," Gwen said thoughtfully, "but maybe Owen has the right idea. There's nothing much doing here, we might as well have an early lunch, give those two some privacy." She gestured towards Jack's office with her thumb. "It's not like they'll notice."

Tosh hesitated. "I don't know. I've got things to do here."

"Look at it this way; if we go now, we'll beat the crowds, we might even be able to get a table at that little Cuban place you wanted to try."

"That's true. Okay, why not? I can finish this later. Just let me save what I've got so far."

Tosh tapped a few keys and stood up, reaching for her bag and jacket. "Okay, I'm ready. Let's go."

Together, they headed out the cog door in search of lunch.

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OoOoO

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Ten minutes later, Jack stepped out of his office. "Okay, guys, here's what I…" He stopped when he realised there was no one there.

"Ianto? Where'd they all go? Was there a Rift alert? And if there was, why didn't anyone tell us? We could've helped!"

Ianto followed Jack out, looking dishevelled, sweaty and out of breath. "Why are you asking me?"

"Because you know everything!"

"I'm not psychic!" Ianto gazed around at the empty Hub, hands on hips. "Well that's typical! They always vanish when there's work to do around here." He turned to Jack. "Looks like it's just you and me again, we'll have to put up all these balloons by ourselves. I'd forgotten how hard it is blowing them up. I'm out of puff."

"You look sexy though."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "I look wrecked," he grumbled, but he couldn't quite keep the smile off his face. "Why don't you get the stepladder while I make us a coffee? We deserve a break before we get stuck in. With a bit of luck we can get this place decorated before the others get back, then slip out for lunch as soon as they show their faces."

Jack smiled. "I like the way you think!"

"Oh, and Jack?"

"Hmmm?"

"While we're out, I'm getting another balloon pump so next time we don't have to take turns using it."

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The End


End file.
